Chapter One

Life isn’t fair!

Lilly Lampton laughed at the absurdity of her thought. She stood at her bedroom window, watching a brambling sitting on a nearby branch among the golden beauty of autumn’s leaves. It was the first day of October. The small bird must have sensed her regard. He cocked his head. Small beady eyes stared back at her. “Good morning my fine-feathered friend.” She sighed and leaned her head against the window frame.

As Lady Eleanor, her friend and mentor, had pointed out with such clarity on the night she and Lord Howard had rescued Lilly from Lampton Court, there was no other choice. Marriage to someone powerful enough to thwart Ned Lampton, her first husband’s brother, was the only way to protect her sons.

Perhaps someday a woman wouldn’t be forced by circumstance to marry someone who didn’t even like her in order to keep her children from being murdered by their avaricious uncle, but today was not that day. She beat her fist against the window frame. A single tear escaped. She dashed it off her cheek.

The bird blinked, then flew away.

No more dawdling.

Lilly heard her mother’s words waft across her troubled mind. Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of time. Go. Do something brilliant with this day the Good Lord has given you.

“Oh Mama, I miss you so.”

Lilly had told her intended, Lord Maxfield Howard, that a small, expedient wedding would suffice. He suggested a morning affair followed by a celebratory breakfast. After the ceremonies, Lilly’s three sons, Alexander, Jack and Toby, would stay at Hartwell, the Sisterhood School. Once settled, she’d send for them, and the boys would move to Nonesuch, the Howard estate, to live with her and Lord Howard, their new guardian.

Lilly brushed and plaited her hair and affixed it to the base of her skull. Then she sat on her narrow cot and put on her cotton stockings and plain ribbon garters. She donned an unadorned set of practical short stays over her chemise. Finally, she slipped her feet into new, buttery-soft calfskin shoes which were a present from Lady Eleanor.

The women training to become modistes at the school had made Lilly’s wedding gown. Lady Eleanor and Lady Ramona had supplied the cloth, a cream-colored silk. She would have been happy with a light wool, but at least her dress was devoid of any pretentious lace or other embellishment.

Lilly knew who she was—the daughter of a scholar, an honest hard-working soul. She might be marrying the heir to an earldom, but that didn’t signify in her mind. The cost of the clothes on her back or her title, wasn’t going to change her.

She dropped the dress over her head, letting the long sleeves slide down her arms before pulling the body of it into place. Unfortunately, she’d need help to lace up the back. She stepped into the hallway to find someone. One of the other Sisterhood students who lived down the hall from Lilly was walking to her room, and Lilly asked her to do up the back.

She donned her plain bonnet, wrapped herself in Hetty’s heavy utilitarian shawl, gathered up her gloves, prayer book, and reticule – then left her room.

At the bottom of the stairs, Lady Eleanor waited. Lilly kept her head tipped down. She’d cried herself to sleep last night, and was sure that all the cold water she’d splashed on her face this morning had not eradicated the evidence.

No more talking.

It wouldn’t change a thing.

She wished Eleanor wasn’t forcing any interaction on her just now, practical though Eleanor’s solution may be. Lilly had no wish to be governed by rational thought at this moment. She wanted to stomp her foot, wave her fist at the heavens and scream at the Almighty that he had grievously and repeatedly wronged her and that she’d had enough.

She felt Eleanor’s eyes on her.

“Would you like a moment?” Eleanor asked.

“No, it’s time to get this over with.”

“Lilly,” Eleanor reached out her hand.

Lilly ignored it and walked out the front door of the school. The skies were clear but cold, the chill nipping at her nose and cheeks. Two carriages were waiting, each with armed outriders. Her sons were riding in the larger conveyance with Lady Eleanor and Lord West. The curtains were drawn on the Wests’ coach but she could hear her sons jabbering and laughing.

The groom helped her into the second, smaller coach and closed the door.

Lady Ramona, her other Sisterhood mentor, was waiting for her. “You look lovely, dear, although I wish you’d have let us put some lace on—”

“I’m not in the mood to talk.” Lilly didn’t look at her friend when she cut her off. She stared straight ahead at the empty bench across from them. She focused her eyes on a button in the upholstery to silence the chatter in her head. Her few classes with Master Sakegawa, the school’s self-defense master, had taught her the priceless gift of an empty and quiet mind. She’d lost control of her life, but she still had some say about where her thoughts led her.

Ramona fell silent. She laid her hand on Lilly’s arm and gave her a squeeze then withdrew her hand.

Their caravan finally got underway with the Wests’ coach in the lead. When they arrived at the church, the Wests’ coach stopped close to the entrance and Eleanor and Lord West shepherded her sons inside quickly.

As Lilly stepped inside the church, Lady Ramona left her and went to take her place with the Wests. Her eldest son, Alexander, just a few months away from turning eleven, was waiting for her. He was wearing a new suit of clothes and holding a bouquet of flowers made of Michaelmas daisies, phlox, and a few roses. “For you, Mama.”

“Lovely.”

“It’s from all of us children—not just Jack, Toby, and myself.”

“Thank you. You all must have raided the flower beds about Hartwell to make it.”

Alexander chuckled, “We did … and the greenhouses, too.”

“Is that a new suit?”

Alexander shuffled his feet, “Yes, we each got one from Lord Howard.”

“That was most thoughtful of him.”

“I suppose,” Alexander said, “I wish….”

“Listen to me, sweetheart, you above everyone else knows what Ned is like and what he means to do to your brothers. They need a protector. Lord Howard will be that protector.”

“I know.” Alexander stared at the floor.

Lilly cupped his cheek. “You are so young and since Hetty’s death I’ve leaned on you too much. You need to have your childhood.”

“I’ll be eleven on my next birthday,” Alexander said.

Lilly suppressed her smile. “I love you, sweetheart.” She ran her hand across his shoulder and fussed with his neck cloth, then laid her hand over his heart. “You look very handsome.” At least the boys would be wearing proper clothing now and receiving excellent educations.

At the front of the church, Lord Maxfield Howard stood in a cluster of chattering, laughing people comprised of Lord Robin Pennington, his best friend, an older couple, and two young women, presumably the Pennington family. Lord Lampton, her soon-to-be former father-in-law and her sons’ paternal grandfather, was seated on the opposite side of the church in the first pew. Toby, her youngest, was on Lord Lampton’s lap, and Jack, her middle boy, stood in front of him. Lady Lampton sat stony-faced beside her husband.

Toby caught sight of her. “Put me down, Grandfather.”

Jack and Toby ran to her and threw their arms about her. She lost her balance for a moment. “My, you all look quite handsome.”

The reverend nodded at her.

The Pennington family took their seats in the first pew on the groom’s side. Lord Pennington stayed with Lord Howard, as his best man. Lord and Lady West sat with the Lamptons, representing Lilly’s extended family.

Her sons walked her down the aisle and stood with her as she took her place beside Lord Howard.

---

The service began. The brim of her bonnet hid those lovely hazel eyes of hers. When it came time to put the ring on her finger, she handed her flowers to Alexander and removed her glove. She bowed her head, so that Max still couldn’t see her face or read her expression.

He reached for her hand. It was stone cold. As the reverend asked him to repeat the words pledging himself to Lilly, he slipped his ring on her finger down to her first knuckle. He noticed the telltale band of paler skin at the base of her finger, where Jack’s ring had been. He hesitated, looked up, hoping to see her face, hoping to find some encouragement. Instead all he saw was the brim of her detestable bonnet.

He must have hesitated longer than he thought.

“My lord?” the reverend’s voice nudged Max to complete his task.

Lilly’s hand was trembling in his. He gently moved his plain gold band down until it rested at the base of her finger, then released her hand. She promptly put her glove back on and took her bouquet back from Alexander.

Soon the reverend intoned, “What God has joined together….”

Max offered his arm to his wife. The touch of Lilly’s fingertips on his sleeve was so light, he barely felt it.

They returned to Hartwell for the celebratory breakfast. Lilly sat beside him; she’d removed her bonnet, so at least he could see her face now, but she never looked up. He tried several times to engage her in conversation. She answered his every question with only a yes or no, even when those sorts of answers made little sense. She barely touched the food on her plate. At the close of the breakfast, she excused herself to change. When she returned to the foyer where everyone had gathered, Lilly was wearing an unattractive gown of dark wool and an old pair of walking boots.

“Where is your pretty new dress?” Toby asked.

Lilly crouched in front of her son. “I gave it to Mary Wheeler. She’s getting married soon. Remember?”

Toby bobbed his head.

Lilly’s sons walked her out to the waiting carriage, and everyone else followed. She hugged and kissed each boy. Max waited for her at the carriage door. He leaned close to her ear, “Please, take my hand.”

She looked up at him. With the sun hitting her squarely on the face, he saw her eyes. They were ringed in red. You’ve been crying. Oh, Lilly, I’m sorry to have made you so unhappy. “Please.”

She hesitated, then placed her gloved hand in his.

As their hands touched, Max let out his breath. Now she was his. His to hold and to care for. He’d find a way to make her happy. He was about to follow Lilly into the carriage when Lady Eleanor walked up to him. “More advice, Godmother?”

“Dear boy, I believe this will prove to be one of the best things you’ve ever done.”

They both stared through the open carriage door. Lilly was sitting on the bench, her hands folded in her lap and her head bowed, the antithesis of a happy bride. “Are you speaking prophetically, Godmother? Because, from where I am standing, my future appears sad and duty-bound.”

“I have faith that you two will find in each other the love you so richly deserve,” Eleanor said.

“I hope you’re right, Godmother.” He kissed her cheek. “With all my heart, I hope you’re right.”

---

Through the open carriage door, Lilly heard snippets of the conversation that passed between Eleanor and Lord Howard. She peeked at him around the edge of her bonnet. I am sad… and worried. I pray you have what it takes to keep my sons safe from Ned.

Her sons had come to the open door and were smiling up at her with impish grins on their faces, except for Alexander. His brows were knit. He looked worried. She smiled at each child and lingered on Alexander.

He nodded, understanding her unspoken reassurance.

Lord Howard kissed Eleanor on the cheek, then turned back to the coach chuckling at the sight of her sons crammed into the open doorway. He rumpled Jack’s hair. Then crouched to gaze into Toby’s eyes. “I know you’ll all miss her, but I promise it won’t be long before we send for you three.”

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Chapter Two

Several heated bricks had been placed on the floor of the carriage and with the doors now closed the air inside of the vehicle had become less frosty. As the Howard carriage passed through the gates of Hartwell and headed towards Nonesuch, Lilly cleared her throat. Still gazing out the window she spoke, “I understand what is expected of me, milord.”

“Do you?” Max said, as his mind warned him to tread lightly.

“This is a business arrangement,” Lilly said.

“We are married.”

“A marriage of convenience. A contract between two parties.”

“What of kindness, respect, even love?” Max said.

“Love? It is a fickle, fair-weather companion. In my experience it hasn’t stood the test of time. I’ve buried my parents, my siblings, my dearest friend, and my first husband. I neither need, nor desire to associate myself again with that temporary state.”

“What about your children?” Max asked.

“That is different.”

“What about the children you bear me?” Max said.

“How they get into this world shall not affect how I feel about them, they are innocents.”

“What about between you and me?”

She shook her head. “Love requires trust. You neither like, nor trust me, ergo no possibility of love shall encumber our state of temporary proximity.”

“What do you mean temporary?” Max said.

“Once I am with child you shall be free to resume your life away from Nonesuch. In fact, I would prefer it. Your steward can notify you when the child is born.”

Max felt hot all over. What the hell! “You seem to have thought this through.”

“Not at first, but since that night at Lampton Court I have had the necessary time to do so.”

She was still staring out the carriage window.

“And what, pray tell, did you conclude?” Max knew she was frightened and upset—hadn’t her icy hands and red-rimmed eyes told him as much, but he hadn’t expected such a cold and analytical speech. Had he really thought he’d hang around Nonesuch watching her grow round with his child? What was the matter with him? He should be joyful, she was setting him free.

“You made your offer based on five points: your relationship to my late husband, your fondness for his sons, your fear that they would come to a bad end if left solely in my care, your attachment to your godmother, Lady Eleanor, who proffered this connection, and lastly, I am a proven breeder of male offspring. You seized upon this advantageous opportunity to fulfill your obligation to your name.”

“Practical.” Max felt a bitter taste in his mouth. It was unnerving to have one’s motivations perceived so clearly. No wonder her son was such an outstanding chess player, having been trained by a mind as razor sharp as hers. It was as though she had been eavesdropping on his conversation with Robin days before the wedding. But she had left out one point—he wanted her and he’d hoped she was at least attracted to him.

“Just so,” Lilly said.

It wasn’t her fault he wanted her. She’d never done a blessed thing to attract him. She’d never flirted or behaved in a coy fashion. For the next two hours not another word passed between them.

When the carriage stopped before the great doors of Nonesuch, Max saw the house staff assembled in two neat rows, everyone but Mumby, his father’s valet, that is. Max introduced the new lady of the house to the staff, then they were dismissed.

He, Lilly, Jarvis, the butler, and the housekeeper, Mrs. Pomeroy, processed into the foyer. What now? Ordinarily when he returned home he would go change his clothes, check with his father’s secretary for matters requiring his immediate attention, then go for a ride. Lilly stood quietly at his side. The footman relieved her of her bonnet.

“My lady,” Mrs. Pomeroy said.

Lilly didn’t look up or acknowledge the address.

“Lady Howard,” the housekeeper tried again.

Still no reaction from Lilly.

Max cleared his throat and leaned close to her, “Lilly.” She returned his gaze, but the look in her eyes denoted she was far away. In fact, her entire demeanor made him think he was looking at an apparition. “Mrs. Pomeroy was addressing you,” he said, as he nodded at his housekeeper.

Lilly turned to the woman, “Yes?”

“Shall I show you to your rooms?” Mrs. Pomeroy indicated the stairs.

Lilly silently walked to the foot of the stairs and the housekeeper joined her.

Max watched them climb. “Jarvis, have the carpenters finished their work?”

“Yes, milord. The door leading from your bathing chamber into your lady’s dressing room is complete. The plasterer and painter have also finished. We left the windows open for the past few days but I am afraid her room still smells … ah, new.”

Max nodded.

“We did harvest as many blooms as we could from the greenhouse, filling several vases and placing them liberally about her ladyship’s rooms. Perhaps she won’t notice.”

“Don’t be fooled by her quiet demeanor, Jarvis. Lady Howard notices everything.”